The machinery of quantum mechanics is fully capable of describing a single
ontological world. Here we discuss the converse: in spite of appearances, and
indeed numerous claims to the contrary, any quantum mechanical model can be
mimicked, up to any required accuracy, by a completely classical system of
equations. An implication of this observation is that Bell's theorem cannot
hold in many cases. This is explained by scrutinising Bell's assumptions
concerning causality, retrocausality, statistical (in-)dependence, and his fear
of `conspiracy' (there is no conspiracy in our constructions). The potential
importance of our construction in model building is discussed.